Leadership, eh?

(This is my essay on my perception of leadership. A requirement somewhere, somewhen)    

            Sa ilang oras na pagbaling-baling ko sa higaan, sa bawat gabing hindi makatulog sa panunood ng anime sa pag-asang makahanap ng mga kasagutan, sa ilang araw na pagkausap sa sarili at pagmumuni-muni ng mga naging karanasan, wala pa ring katiyakan kung aking mabibigyang katarungan ang isang payak subalit mahiwagang katanungan – na hindi ko na kailangan pang isa-isahin sa kadahilanang lubha itong mahaba, nasa wikang Ingles at nasa Facebook naman. Naman! Hindi ba’t pormal dapat ang aking pagsusulat? Subalit ipagpaumanhin mo at ‘di ko na mapigilan ang paggapang ng aking mga kamay sa aking ulunan at mangamot, sapagkat  ako’y labis na nagugulumihanan, oo, ako’y sadya pa ring nag-aalinlangan.  .  .

            Labimpitong taon na pala akong humihinga sa bilog na mundong ito, pero ni minsan hindi ko man lang pinagka-abalahang tanungin ang aking sarili kung ano at hanggang saan na nga ba ang aking nalalaman sa aspeto ng pamumuno at ng isang pagiging pinuno. Ano na nga ba ang naging impakto este epekto nito sa lakad-takbo ng aking buhay. Siguro naiinis ka na, ‘no? Ang dami ko nang pag-aantalang ginawa, wala pa rin akong nalalagay na makabuluhan. Hiling ko lang ay iyong maunawaan na basahin ang hindi nababasa, ngunit ‘wag kang mag-alala, aalalayan kita, bibigyan kita ng implikasyon at patnubay. Haaay! Epal ko talaga. Epal na nga, barubal pa magsulat!

            Leadership. Leadership. Mmmm… Ipakita mo sa ‘kin ang iyong tunay na kaanyuan! Toinks! Ano daw? Epekto ‘ata ng anime ‘yan eh, tsk, tsk! Haiss! Seryoso na nga.

            Ako, si hulaan mo, isang bata. Ngunit bata pa bang dapat na tawagin? Sa edad kong ito, pakiramdam ko napag-iiwanan na ‘ko ng mga kasabayan ko . . . noon pero malamang ‘di na ngayon, ang layo na nila, wari’y ‘di ko na sila maaninag. Basta. Naniniwala akong ang mahalaga ay importante! Tama! Maniwala ka lang at gagawa ang kalawakan ng landas na para sa iyo lamang. Natutuwa talaga ako at nakilala ko si Naruto, dahil paano ako magkakaroon ng sarili kong depinisyon ng leadership kung walang tao na siyang uukit sa puso ko ng depinisyon nito. Hindi ba’t ang tatlong katanungan ay may iisang layunin lamang, at iyon ay ang makilala kaming mga hangal na nagnanais na maging susunod na mamumuno ng **tooot*** sa kabila ng kaalamang labis-labis na hirap at sakripisyo ang aming pagdadaanan ng nakayapak, walang saplot at walang sandata maliban sa aming mga nag-aalab na pusong nagnanais maisakatuparan ang tila kahangalan at walang-kwentang pangarap na ito. Maaaring tama kayo sa iniisip niyo. Ano bang mapapala namin sa pagwawaldas ng oras at enerhiya sa mga training namin? Marami. Positibo. Negatibo. Tama lang. Wala lang. Depende sa ‘min.

OK Fine, You’re The Boss!

         Once my favorite teacher said, “Be humble.” And before I left she whispered “Stay humble.” Define humble. The dictionary defines humility as modesty, lacking pretense, not believing that you are superior to others. An additional definition contains: "Having a lowly opinion of oneself; meekness". Well, the word "humility" first struck me in the context of respect, humility in the lives of the students, of teachers, and how the word respect existed between the two. Let me share with you the series of things that has been swarming in the cerebrum of my brain and in the four chambers of my heart.

       Your four years of stay high school has taught you the two sides of humility in partnership with respect.  As a freshie student by that time, adaptation was the hardest thing you’ve to handle. You have had to listen well to the rules and regulations so you won’t be reprimanded. Now, there goes obedience, especially to your teachers who seemed to see you like sheep without a shepherd, and thought that they were good enough to accept the preordained task. Conform to everything they ask you to do and surely you’ll pass to be a sophie.

       Moving on, you’re on your second year in high school and of course you’ve gained profounder intellect and a teenager like you started somehow screeching for your rights, knowing that students have this thing called Magna Carta. Though you didn’t quite well understand the contents of that thing, for you even haven’t read a page of it, others say that it defends your being human and student, so you gradually learned how to furtively disobey some, yes,  some of those do’s and don’ts, thinking that it’s just for the meantime. 

        And as you became a junior student, all I could say was “what happened to you?” Complacently, you answered back - It wasn't until quite late in life that I discovered how easy it is to say "I don't know!" So that’s it, you’re acting dumb. Wow, isn’t that great? You’re proving that no one could ever stop you, could ever let you do things you do not somewhat like. Still, there’s that big difference between innocent and acting-innocent-turned-into-ignorant. You considered this year of your high school life as the most memorable one. The hell I care was the thing you repeatedly say.